If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this whole pandemic it’s this.
We simply can’t do it alone.
Sometimes when you’re in a pinch, the only way to get stuff done is asking for help. But this doesn’t come easily to me. Does it you?
So I did some research on the topic. Believe it or not there’s an art to asking for a favor!
I am by no means an expert on this but I found some really good food for thought. Plus some things to consider the next time you ask someone for help.
Now listen…I am all about friends helping friends – so you can probably skip a lot of this with someone you know well. But for those one offs where you don’t want to ruffle any feathers, I think you’ll find these super helpful! I know I did 🙂
How To Politely Ask For A Favor
Here’s the winning formula in a nutshell. But scroll down to get the nitty gritty details and reasoning behind each one.
- Know Your Audience
- Understand What You’re Really Asking
- Give As Much Heads Up As Possible
- Call It Out Right Away
- Be Specific
- Explain Why
- Do As Much As You Can
- Give An Easy Out
ONE: Know Your Audience
This may be obvious but I feel like people forget. Think about the OTHER person. By this I mean be cognizant of who you are asking and what’s going on in their lives.
Are they sick? Did they just have a baby? Are they going through a divorce? Working the frontlines? Did they just lost their job? If so, you may want to ask someone else or wait till they’re in a better place.
Think about timing too. Asking your accountant neighbor in the middle of tax season {their busiest time of year} to help you strip your deck is much different than asking them in the summer. Same for mom’s during dinner time or a friend who’s wedding it coming up.
TWO: Understand What You’re REALLY Asking
What may seem EASY or quick to you, may not be the case at ALL.
Are you asking someone to drive you to the airport in rush hour or off hours? {this could be the difference between 1 hour or 3!}.
Does this entail someone taking off work? Will they incur any expenses on their end?
A question I’m frequently asked is “can you post “x” on your blog or Instagram?”. Since I strive to maintain a certain quality of content, people don’t realize the fees associated with my photographer {let alone several other expenses it entails to run a blog}. Or how an average blog post {and even Instagram} can take me 5+ hours. By the time I come up with an idea, buy props, schedule a photographer, write it, edit it, format it, post it, etc. – it’s A LOT of time and money.
So to be sure you aren’t asking something inappropriate, simply ask… “How long does something like that take?” OR “What does this entail on your end?”.
This way you can adjust your request if need be. Or just be sure to thank them extra nicely!
For example…
- “Can you take some quick pics of my family?” to “Can you take some quick pics of my family and I can edit the photos myself!”
- “Can I borrow your car?” to “Can I borrow your car? I’ll be sure to fill it up with gas afterwards!”
- “Can you help me move my couch to the basement?” to “Can you help me move my couch to the basement? I know it’s a crazy time for you but I’m DESPERATE. I’ll have pizza and wine for us after!”
- “Can you take me to the airport?” to “I’d be happy to take you on your next trip!”
THREE: Give As Much Heads Up As Possible
Trust me I get it. Sometimes you’re in a pickle and you’ve got to pivot!
But asking a family member to watch your dog two days before your vacation {that you’ve known about for months} probably puts them in a tough spot. They have a life too right? {By the way…we’ve tooootally done this before. Haha! Sorry mom and dad!}. A LOT of headache can be avoided by simply asking in advance.
FOUR: Call It Out Right Away
“I have a favor to ask…“
Starting the conversation with this sentence gives the person a moment to get into gear and prepare to respond.
I also feel that by simply acknowledging you are asking for a favor in itself, goes a long way. Versus coming right out and asking, as if it’s expected.
NOW… I’d LOVE to get your thoughts on this point…
I don’t know about you but I can usually tell someone is making small talk before they ask me for something. Especially if we don’t normally talk or text. I’m usually thinking to myself…I know you need something so let’s get to the point! BUT on the flip side I see why pleasantries can be perceived as being polite. So not sure about this one…
FIVE: Be Specific
When you say exactly what you want, people know exactly how to help you.
For example…asking someone to help you move across town is MUCH different than across state.
So give exact dates, times, etc. so people know how they can help you. And don’t down play something much smaller than it is either. No one forgets a bait and switch.
SIX: Explain Why
“For my daughter’s birthday…My movers cancelled on me…I have a work meeting…I’m trying to keep expenses at a minimum…”
People like to know why they are doing something. It also increases your chances of them saying yes. So have your explanation ready.
SEVEN: Do As Much As YOU Can Prior
Try to take up the least amount of someones time as possible and make it EASY for them to help you.
If a friend is babysitting for you, have the pajamas laid out, dinner prepared and a good movie ready to go.
I recently asked my mom to wallpaper our entryway. She is GOOD and knows how to line up everything perfectly. BUT I prepped the walls, got all the materials ahead of time, etc. so she could hit the ground running!
EIGHT: Give An Easy Out
For the most part, humans like to help. However, no one wants to do something that’s forced upon them. Or guilt tripped. The worst!
Also, you never know what people are going through or it may be bad timing. So give them the option to graciously decline.
Some good escape clauses and tactics are…
- “Or if you think of anyone who can, please pass along my name”
- “I know you have a full plate right now, so if the timing is bad, we can try reconnecting when things die down.
- Asking for help on social media or sending out a group email/text, let’s those who are willing and able come to YOU. Versus putting someone on the spot.
- OR you can try taking something off their plate to sweeten the deal. “Listen…I know this is not ideal. But if you help me with this, I will help you lay your mulch, take your family photos, proof read your resume, watch your kids next Friday, buy you dinner, etc….
Last but not least, be sure to say ‘thank you’ and don’t forget to send a thank you note!
A favor is a gift.
WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?
Do you mind when people ask you for favors? Do you get nervous asking for one? Do you ever feel like someone ‘owes you’ when you do them a favor? Tell me your thoughts on this post!
Photos by Chicago Andrea Creative
